Obama is Sexy!


Okay, let’s be frank here. Our generation has not had the pleasure of having good-looking people running our country. Right? The closest was Clinton – we could all agree on that. However, he was only sexy after he stuffed Monica Lewinsky’s snatch with a cigar…

…Mind if I segue for a moment to speak about this sex act? Imagine for a second you’re with your boo. You’re making out, moisture is collecting on the windows, the room smells like sweat and sin. Then, he pulls out a cigar and asks if you smoke… no, not you. Your vag. What’s a lady to think then?

Okay, now imagine it’s the President of United States. And, honey, you’re not wearing the hot little number with the black satin bows you purchased at Agent Provocateur. No, you have on the tomato red business skirt suit that was on sale at Marshall’s.

Bill Clinton is a sexual sadist. Seriously. Do you think he would do that sort of shit in his doc martens on a Sunday at home? NO. He was in the oval office with this sweet American Pie serving on his every word… he liked cigars… not rocket science. I bet he made her do all sorts of other strange shit too… I bet you he made her wear that sperm-soiled dress to the grocery store. Hm.

So, to me, Bill Clinton may have been sexy because he could get some on the side, but he just wasn’t sexy. No way… and the president succeeding him… well… I don’t need to elaborate, do I?

I recently saw a picture of Obama and Michelle on Yahoo!. It was a candid snapshot of him embracing her, looking into her eyes, real romantic. And I thought to myself, Man! We are lucky to have such a fine-looking president.

APTOPIX Obama 2008

Okay, if you’re saying to yourself, “Well, Jeez, Christina, does that really matter?” Then you’re not considering the foundation of this great country and what we are known best for: Appearance.

Appearance is just a general term that vaguely describes the essential components of what makes a nation awesome. In order for our President to have that… spark… he needs to possess the following qualities:

Articulation: The President must learn not only to speak well, but learn how to speak to everyone. At parties, he’s the type of stoic guy who could sit in with any crowd and join in on the conversation. This type of guy is also very gifted at sweet-talking the ladies.
Posture: So overlooked and yet so crucial. The President’s posture must signify strength without intimidation. He must learn to stand upright in the face of danger and, yet, be limber and casual during times of jolly and whim. That way you know he’s easygoing, but he means business!
Facial Expressions: Another detail sometimes overlooked. The president must have a relaxed face. A good example of this is just by looking at random photographs taken throughout a President’s career, photographs where the President doesn’t really know he’s getting his picture taken (or doesn’t care). A look of worry, exhaustion, etc. is unsettling to the American people. And, most importantly, unattractive! Now, if the President looked happy, relaxed, or even like he’s thinking, then the American people feel at ease. (Imagine Clint Eastwood: Does he ever look worried or tired? No, he has that dignified sneer that makes me feel safe and protected)
Fitness: Our President doesn’t have to be Lance Armstrong to run our country successfully. But, he must have the stamina of Harrison Ford. Seriously. If you can’t imagine our president saying, “Get off my plane!” then kicking ass with brutal Russian terrorists, then what the hell kind of American President is he? Not a good one.

And that is why we are very fortunate to have Obama as our President. Because he is super hot. He is articulate, he’s physically fit, he has excellent posture, and a very pleasurable face to look at. I must also say that Michelle and Obama introduced two new necessary qualifications to being an awesome prez, thus raising the bar for the sorry sonofabitches to succeed him:


Style: They’re stylish people. You may not like what they wear, but you won’t forget it. Remember Michelle’s pea-colored, glittering inauguration gown? It looked like she stole that ensemble from a Wizard, BUT I won’t fucking forget it. It’s flashy, trash meets class, I dig it. The outfit is staying on my mind forever. Obama’s suits are well-tailored with a punch of intensity… man! Just brings a tear to my eye.
Badassedness: Sort of under the physically fit category, only it’s all about attitude. So far, Obama has been straightforward and honest about the choices he’s made, wants to make, or wishes he had more time to make. Love him or hate him for that, you cannot deny that’s badass. Also, he looks like he could get into a fight. Literally, he will throw down if he has to for our country. It’s a Chuck Norris, Keith Carradine, Steven Segal type of quality that he owns and embraces. And for that, I salute him.

And I doubt Obama’s the type of guy to stuff foreign objects up my vagina. He would probably want me to lick his asshole… but I would. I trust him enough as president to do that for him. I mean, who wouldn’t want to have their salad tossed? Anyone?

Now I have a question for you. Would you lick McCain’s asshole to save our country? Would you lick Bush’s? Didn’t think so.

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