Tell Me To Tell… A Dirty Story

dominatrixBetting on the Bull in the Heather-

I have a knot in my shoulder. I think I caught it like a cold on Sunday when stretching my arms back. Strippers do not have chicken arms when squeezing their tits together-oh no, there’s an art in this. Shoulders need to be at the side, pose erect with chest out and an arch in your back so deep that you could slurp your favorite drink from that fleshy groove. This job will definitely keep me in shape…. I have the feeling that I’m going to be taking a break from drugs and drinking… not like I was ever a heavy user. I only most recently took a 1/2 tab of E… it was like taking Viagra thinking it was aspirin… and waking up to find a raging hard-on. Surprisingly a nuisance and a waste of what could have been productive. The kaleidoscope effect kicked in… an eruption of sordid views intermingling and rearranging itself-it creates an illusion, things that seem to dance and move in the night. The 3-dimensional is flattened and shadows shimmer like black rhinestones… blah blah blah- I just wanted to go to bed, but a stretch was an orgasm just waiting to happen. I needed quick release… I pulled out my vibrator and took a ride on my trip… It took a while; but as my clit exploded my kaleidoscope diminished… it was over and I was completely satisfied. My mind was a-wanderin. I tried to keep it focused on dirty pictures, a flipbook of twisted fantasies, some so dark that I cant help but go there… and arousing myself even more in that luscious taboo.

I’ve been in heat lately… Maybe I’m always in heat. A snarling, darling little beast lighting some perpetual cigarette and endlessly taking a drag. I’ve been so focused, or I’m about to be. I have two days off and I won’t get paid for them. I feel that meticulous motion setting in… I’m going to get what I want… I just need to figure out how. Even if something doesn’t work out, there’s always another way, another sliding door or criminal loophole… but no crimes will be committed. Of course not, I need to do this straight. Legs closed and bound to my grown-up responsibilities. This is it. And nothing can keep me from this. So, maybe this consistent arousal is just an outlet for such tensions… I wouldn’t dare act it out on anyone… Pfft, I feel like most are not good enough for me… and I like this idea. I am very selective… I’d much rather be alone than with someone that I kinda thought was cool, or was okay (“except for…”) What bullshit…  I haven’t the patience. Maybe I sound square; but I don’t care. Hm.

There’s one fantasy that I’ve thought about a great deal when I masturbate. I fantasize that I’m a dominatrix again. I relive all the sessions I’ve done in my head. In reality, I never had sex with the clients I saw at the dungeons I worked at. No one can take  a mistress seriously when she’s a paid lover. That respect is lost, unfortunately. The only way I asserted myself was by saying “…no, you’re not good enough…”

…Well I did have sex with one client in his hotel room… I was horny and any one would do at that point… but that was the only one.

Anyway, in my fantasies I’m having sex with them all. One session after the other. And they’re immobile or helpless. They’re not in control. I especially got off when thinking of the man I encased in saran wrap… since he was completely powerless. I came when thinking of the cheerleading scenario… the asshole who tried to force himself on me because he was my quarterback hunk of a boyfriend. I turned the tables on him and tied him up, letting him feel like the sick emasculated shit that he was. But, in my fantasy, I tied him up. I fucked him until his wrists were red and bleeding, his face blushing, choking on his breath..::sigh:: what an excellent orgasm…

..I’m listening to Hole and I remember the bus rides to and from my junior high school. My nose was buried deep into Francesca Lia Block’s ethereal words. I turned the volume up on my headphones… so loud the entire bus could hear me. I imagined great stories back then. They were sad and innocent; they were very emo. That was a nice memory, I believe.

One more day of work… Then a four day vacation :) I’ll draw it out like bubble gum… it’ll last as long as I need it to.

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