When I was young I woke up one morning to watch an HBO special on violence. It was a visual catalogue of various acts of bloodshed, organized in several sections: Child abuse. Domestic abuse. Hate crimes, etc. Following the monotone, emotionless narrative were pictures and recordings of real death. I saw the Bud Dwyer* footage for the first time in all of its uncensored glory. It made me so uneasy; but I couldnt help watching because it was the closest I would get to that particular death… How would I know such a thing existed if I couldn’t see it with my own eyes? These very feelings were revisited when watching a documentary called Zoo.

Using interviews and testimonies, Zoo reenacts and retells the story of a man who died of a preforative colon when arriving to the hospital. After a thorough investigation, it was discovered that what caused the preforation was a sexual encounter with a grown male stallion (use your imagination). Footage of this man’s final hours was unearthed and can be readily viewed on the Internet under the title, “Mr. Hands”. I watched that clip two years ago. One of the dommes Iworked with urged me to see “the most fucked up thing ever.” And it was certainly fucked up. The image itself was obliterating to the senses. I had seen implications of bestiality and a couple of bestiality clips; but this was downright explicit and perverse on a level that was neither erotic nor even vulgar. It was an imbalance. A sheer imbalance, like seeing something edited into a picture. This just wasn’t right. The footage is quite straightforward. The image is crystal clear. The audio is pitch perfect. It is fucking creepy. All you will see is a horse’s erect penis penetrate a caucasian man’s asshole. The man is bent forward and the camera captures only his side profile.You see about four full thrusts. As the horse plows deeper, you can hear the abrupt grunts. And you can hear the others in the background, inaudibly chatting as they watch the scene go down. Then, the penis falls out, limp and heavy.


What Zoo explores is the small isolated community of men who inhabited this farm when its real owners were away. These men deeply loved animals, especially horses. Through the internet, they were able to find each other and share their passion in the one place where they were free to do so, the state of Washington.

As one zoophile explains, all one had to do was stand a little too long and wait for the horse to choose him. Now, I’m watching this footage in a way that they never saw it. For me, I just wonder what this feeling was, so beautiful and intense and strong. For me and the ones who watched “Mr. Hands”, it’s shocking and gross. But, for the people who made the film, for the people who can watch it and know how that feels, well, it’s a totally different experience. They see it as an act of love. Period.

I would recommend just closing your eyes and listening to the interviews that narrate Zoo, as the visuals are meaningless depictions of what happened. But, just listening to these men and their love for their horses… its chilling in honesty and unapologetic. Pretty good stuff.

*In the first televised suicide in the history of American media, Budl Dwyer shoots himself in the mouth during a news conference.

    • Daisy
    • August 28th, 2009

    The video you saw was not the one that killed him. I saw the mr hands video a year before he died. I’m sure the actual video was destroyed by his friends when they realized they were in trouble.

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