Michael Jackson’s Magical Treasures

So many people died this week! Jeez, 1st Ed, then Farrah, now Michael!…

…And the dude who sold OxiClean…

But, what the real reason why his death’s so sad is that all of his precious toys are going to be auctioned away… those marvelous treasures…

Michael’s mom should just donate all of her son’s priceless toys to foster homes and non-for-profits where children can truly appreciate these wonderful items.

Awesomely creepy… or creepily awesome?



Who wouldn’t want a Darth Vader bust made entirely out of legos? Those f*cking mannequins are so creepy and fun… like an imaginary friend. Only these are real… sort of.


Now I know that there’s been an auction already… but what I wonder is if everything’s been sold already. Maybe Jackson kept some secrets in his Neverland Ranch that will only be revealed now that the King of Pop is gone? Shimmering Faeries in a glass jar, perhaps? A tree of shrunken heads that come alive when a provocation is uttered? Maybe. I’m willing to bet he’s hiding an unicorn, for sure. A fucking unicorn.

Fucking magical.

In any case, it just makes me sad to think some bourgeois asshole will buy Michael’s awesome toys, trap them in a glass case, and have it on display to regale his guests and friends with. Jackson was truly in awe and adoration of his posessions, like any child would be. Every item seemed magical, like a talisman. And, that’s something that no one can put a price tag on.

King of Pop… Eccentric child-man that you were… we salute you.
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