Sex on the Brain: Barbie – Natural Born Slut

Yesterday, I was writing a new article for my website about my childhood habit of making my barbies have sex. And, no, not just knocking two plastic bodies together. I would create “scenes” – sometimes incorporating orgies, BDSM, incest… I’d make my dolls do it in the Barbie convertible, the foldaway bedroom with an usable closet (I would make Skipper masturbate in said closet while she watched Barbie and her gf Kira get it on). My Barbies were a salacious bunch. And I loved it.

Anyway, I was doing some research and it seems that my need to make Barbie into a whore has not gone unwarranted. In Toy Monster: The Big, Bad World of Mattel, we get a peek inside the mind of a sex maniac. In an article written by the NY Post, it is revealed by Jerry Oppenheimer that Barbie Creator, Jack Ryan, was a sex freak, to say the least…

…”Jack Ryan, the Yale-educated designer who popularized Barbie, was a “full-blown seventies-style swinger” with “a manic need for sexual gratification.” – Jerry Oppenheimer

You could read more about the article to learn of Ryan’s exploits… I’m going to drift into lala land for a second…

My vision of Barbie being created is one that combines the traditions of Satanic worship with that of a 70s porn flick. Imagine her small shape floating from an orgy of men and women enthralled in passionate lovemaking… or, in this case, doll-making. The plastic skin of that seductive statue was created from the cum and sperm of sweaty bodies undulating like an ocean of lust. Her lips painted to look like virginal labia being penetrated for the first time. Hair fashioned from the pubes of Ryan’s childlike hooker. The breasts carved from Gwen Florea’s chesty profile.

No wonder I loved Barbie so much. And not just me… everybody was obsessed with Barbie. She embodied the very idea of sex (and adulthood) because sex was what brought her into existence in the first place.

What’s amazing about this story, and why it’s extremely important for us to know that Jack Ryan was a male slut, is because we have this solid, stubborn inclination to believe that our children and their childhood is sexless, “innocent”, puerile and naive to the world of adults. God forbid a young girl watches porn or reads a book featuring a naked young lady or man. And, yet, it was appropriate to give a young child a baby doll without explaining where it came from or how it was made. It’s appropriate to learn how to feed your stupid plastic baby, to clothe your baby, to change its diaper and buy it pretty little outfits. But, to explain sex to a child so that they may understand reproduction… well, that’s obscene!

In this context, it makes perfect sense that I sexualized my Barbies so much, and why she was so unlike my Cabbage Patch baby. Although they are both toys, they both represent two sides of femininity that are rarely brought together: The domesticity of my maidenhood and the indulgent promiscuity that is my sluttiness. Yin and yang – the two shall never come together and, yet, they exist as polarities in an effort to define the other.

Plus, imaginations fall short at the sight of a baby doll. Retailers and doll companies have made every effort to provide us with the tasks and responsibilities needed to take care of it. But, the Barbie doll was (most often) a Caucasian canvas for our most perverse fantasies. Over time Barbie changed to look more American (happy, oblivious, etc), but she still hadn’t lost her figure. And, over time, a set of ball joints would make her even more… um… limber than her sassy predecessor. And she soon nabbed careers that gave us little girls something else to look forward to other than motherhood: She was an astronaut, an army commander, a gymnast, a vet, a equestrian, an athlete, a rap star, a rock star, and an all around bad ass icon. If anything, Barbie taught us girls that we can be anything we wanted, do anything we wanted, and look good doin’ it.

For the most part, essentially, we should thank Jack Ryan for providing a sexual stimulant in our daughters’ (and some of our sons’) lives. He provided us with another pleasure to look forward to when we grow up: Unabashed, hedonistic, sex!


  1. For some reason this reminded me of the origins of the diagnosis of hysteria. The surrealists were obsessed with this case because it marked a physical and mental collapse of sexual repression of women in the Victorian era.

      • chriscicchelli
      • September 2nd, 2009

      How does this remind you of hysteria?

  2. Great site…keep up the good work. I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,

    A definite great read.. :)


  3. This blog rocks! I gotta say, that I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,

    A definite great read.. :)


  4. Cool site, love the info.

  5. This site rocks!

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