Zombies Versus Vampires: Damsels, Grab a Gun!

As a video game fanatic, I must maintain that all my favorite video games are zombie shoot-ups. This recent release of Left 4 Dead 2 not only impresses with realistic graphics, but also shows a tough, black (for once) chick ready to throw down in the face of a zombie invasion:

This reminds me of a question game I played with two other guys at a bar. One guy asked the other what he his normal thoughts consist of. The cheeky dude stroked his ginger beard and finally told us that he only thought of what would happen should zombies truly rule the earth. I was impressed and very aroused. I, too, had the same thoughts! And we both shared our love (or anxiety) about this very apocalyptic future, one in which zombies really did roam through the earth. He made the very valid point that, in a way, very much how Ozymandias set the world aflame, zombies will be our cultural unifier; instead of fighting against each other, we fight together against them.

And that is why zombies will always kick ass over vampires!

The reason I’m picking on the vampire is because this icon has been romanticized and pop culture-fucked up and down the street. Everyone talks about vampires. I talk about vampires. I’ve been bitten. Oh, you see what I did there? I made a pun!

Also, vampires parallel zombies in terms of brutality. While vampires nibble sensuously from the necks of pale-skinned virgins, zombies rip the flesh off your body and leave a big bloody messy wherever they go. They’re insatiable.

Of course, there are the common images of the vampire as monster, as a nightly threat to anyone who even thinks about inviting a stranger into their house. But, s/he has been so romanticized that I can’t help but get a wettie at the thought of it.

Zombies will never give us a chance to fall in love. They will never allow us to be a Bella or a Sookie Stackhouse. You know what they do? They prepare us to fight for our own survival!

And, as mentioned, when we all have the problem – zombies – all other issues seem so less important.

If you’ve seen Zombieland, you’ll see two kicked as co-stars who practically steal the show. These women outsmart their male leads, steal, lie, shoot, and pretty work on survival mode. Unfortunately, they’re  not the stars of the movie. But, I’ll take what I can get.

Where are those leads going? Oh, they’re going to the damsel who is in love with vampire. How am I supposed to kill Edward Cullen in a vampire video game, huh? If I shove him into sunlight, then his body glitters… no, shimmers. L-a-m-e.

So, to all of you lady horror writers out there. Don’t go for the supernatural romance. Go for balls-to-the-wall, action-packed zombie adventure! We at least have a fighting chance in this genre!

    • Daisy
    • November 13th, 2009

    Fuck yeah! I love zombie horror. My favorite is the resident evil games, they scare the shit out of me and make me want to lock and load.

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