Adam Lambert’s Performance: Shocking or Silly?


I pick silly.

I watched Lambert’s performance via YouTube, because I don’t have a television and I’m not big on Awards Shows. But, when i heard about the crotch-grabbing, bird-flipping, boy-smooching catastrophe that was Adam Lambert’s performance, I had to watch. And boy was I thrilled. I also wasn’t surprised that his upcoming show was canceled.

His performance sucked.

It didn’t just suck because Lambert has a crummy voice. Nor did it suck because he insta-kissed his hunky male band member. It sucked because he made an epic (Think Titanic) mistake, one that me, you, and everyone else makes on a daily basis:

Just because you’re doing something sexual doesn’t make it sexy.

Adam Lambert wasn’t shocking by any means. It may have appeared that way; but this is only because of the venue – the American Music Awards. To me, wouldn’t it be more so shocking to, I don’t know, try a new or creative approach, one that doesn’t have the dancers roam around pretending to be cats?

Another common mistake? Just because you’re being shocking doesn’t mean you’re being different.

So, Lambert’s performance was an oversexed rendition of the same performances that my generation (and maybe yours) has grown up with. There are plenty of singers before Lambert who have flaunted their sexuality onstage: Madonna, Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, etc – the supposed double standard as he claims. However, these women flaunted their sexuality well, meticulously designed to spark the right amount of controversy without being unmarketable. And no one complained…

Oh wait…

Okay, for the most part, when the action isn’t televised on a conservative, family-fueled program, then no one really ever complains.

Anyway, my point is that some, if not most women can bust sexy moves that aren’t sexual, and some can risk being sexual onstage while remaining sexy (Whether you like it or not, Madonna made a career out of the latter, Britney – at one point – made a career out of the former). If Adam only watched those before him, he would have learned that there is an art to performance, and there’s an even greater art form to stimulating a blow job. Once he fucked that up, it made the viewing process just uncomfortable.

Of course, instead of taking responsibility for his lack of skill in the performance category (Can’t blame him; He either doesn’t want to admit that he wasn’t sexy or, unfortunately, didn’t realize it) Lambert opted for the “gay” blame him – I’m not uncomfortable because he isn’t sexy, I’m uncomfortable because he’s gay. The kiss, of course, is the cherry on the pie of Lambert’s argument. However, when kisses with a message are broadcast, they never receive positive reception.

Take, for instance, when Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley kissed at the MTV Music Awards. It was an obvious proclamation of Jackson’s (hetero)sexuality and Presley’s sexual attraction to him. Was anyone else feeling the love? No.

But, Madonna kissing Britney Spears? Even if people complained, that was completely overlooked. They may have not been lesbians, but it was two very sexy women who shared what looked like a very beautiful and passionate kiss, one that overshadowed the kiss Madonna shared with Christina Aguilera just seconds later.

If there was some meaning behind this “forbidden” liplock, then Adam Lambert passed on an opportunity to put the whole gay message on the backburner and just kiss his man like he wasn’t performing… even if he was. Then, perhaps, the general public opinion wouldn’t seem so repulsed. But, it was a kiss that even made me gag, only because it looked so loveless and unromantic. It lacked seduction, persuasion, or even any mutual interest. It was neither shocking nor sexy.

As Bill Werde said, “Get thee to the Gaga school of controversial but credible pop entertaining.”

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  1. I clicked your post because I was curious who Adam Lambert was, having seen his name on 3 different posts now. My impression: he could stand to lose a few pounds, in hairspray and makeup that is; and he has probably succeeded in losing his major following of gay boys with that performance.

    • suggestivetongue
    • November 28th, 2009

    I was upset that the kiss between lambert and whoever the other guy was got blurred out and yet the britney/madonna one wasn’t. Not cool! As far as the question I think it’s silly too :-) Not too shocking to me, but I’m sure are plenty of people out there still clutching their hearts. Poor souls.

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