You’re Big… And Beautiful. Get Over it, K?

I’ve been picking fights (I’m looking at you, Carlin) with people about this whole weight debacle. It came to a crash recently when I talked to a young woman in my neighborhood. She stepped back, looked me up and down, and said, “Ugh. God. You’re so skinny! I hate you!”

Third time I heard a reference about my weight this week…

Sneering, I said, “I think you mean you hate yourself.”

Guess I didn’t make a new friend that day.

Do you think I’m complaining? I am. And you may think Skinny bitch… at least people would die to be your size…If you do, then kill yourself.


Every week, I see something (written by women, mostly) that exploits comments and opinions from figures in the media that was directed towards “big” ladies…from Anna Wintour to a stylist who commented about Christina Hendricks being “big”.

My point is that our society is conditioned to hold a certain “ideal” in high regard. As Photoshop and retouchers continue to promote this “ideal”, and as we continue to buy the magazines, products, and clothing where the “ideal” is placed on higher value (by the consumer, this time, not just by the industry), then we will continue to see images of women – in various stages of dress and display –  imprisoned in an ideal that doesn’t exist but continually changes (as we’ve seen throughout the ages). The fashion industry is not the right place to look for a self-esteem boost. Anna Wintour isn’t the enemy. Nor is the stylist who pointed out the obvious (Christina Hendricks is a big, busty babe who wore a dress that didn’t flatter her figure. Period).

I’m very proud of my looks and my body because I’ve made beauty, or at least the idea of it, very unique and special to me. And beauty isn’t something you wear; it’s something you feel. This is a valuable commodity that NO ONE can sell you or define for you. There is no perfect me that I need or want to be. I just live my life on my terms, and tune out the bullshit in the media that sells me a version of a woman that doesn’t exist.

When we talk about what young girls (and most women) need to help their self-esteem, we discuss ways we must change our media to make it happen. But, I don’t think this is the best solution. You know why? Because, the image one puts out has nothing to do with the important elements behind it – self-esteem, health & fitness, self-love awareness, etc. Physical appearance shouldn’t even be on this list because, as we all know, our appearance changes, our perception of appearance changes, and all of us have very different definitions of what “beauty,”  and “normal” mean. I’m sure everyone in their heart of hearts know that. But this need to put thinner people on some sort of pedestal, waste time listening to the meaningless comments others make about body images… it’s like we’re stuck on this goddamn hamster wheel, either wanting to be skinnier to be seen or just to be seen at all as, you know, who we are. And when I see the “we”, I see bodies of all shapes and sizes, ages, genetic dispositions, who continually break and remake the mold… but we have to keep making a big deal over an issue that should never have the power to kill a woman’s spirit or make her think less of herself because she doesn’t think she’s good enough.

Well, for those ladies out there, and for that lady in the park – stop it. If you really love your body so much, then stop making stupid “skinny comments”, like I’m either supposed to feel bad for “looking good” or feel better because you think I look better than you do. Get over yourselves. Please. I’d rather write about sex than this.

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