Pain is Our Domain

Pain is necessary. It’s programmed into the very fibers of our being. Is it okay to feel pain? That’s not for me to say. I’ve inflicted pain for pleasure and for pay. I’ve wanted to hurt, to feel sore… Because it just feels so good somehow. Like being burned. Masochistic as it may seem, the searing of the flesh for that one nanosecond… it’s like a liquid needle that bores a hole through one’s surface. It swims and swims until it eventually dissolves. Like sperm. Lovely image, yes? When pain is perceived in this fashion, then perhaps we can begin to understand why pain is so essential. And inevitable. Look how easily it can spread to others. And how deeply it touches our soul. And, yet, our bodies are prepared for this. Whatever has gotten us here… it’s like our fate, all of our emotions, all of these sensations are literally programmed in our bodies – chemically induced or catalyzed by pain itself. By recognizing these strengths, then we can see that pain can be manipulated. Pain can be confronted.Pain is just another sensation. BDSM honors this. The acts that inflict physical pain on others may be sadistic in  nature and violent for sure, but pain is internalized. It breaks through skin and penetrates the soul like a sharp serated knife slicing through bone and obscenely soft flesh. It’s cosmic, like an orgasm. Pain is remembered. Pain is transferred. Even orgasms can be painful, but if pain is processed not as a negative sensation, but just another finely tuned string tied to our instrumental spirit, then we’ll realize that pain can be manipulated, it can be processed in a different way.

Sometimes I need to feel pain so I know what I’m fighting for. Or against. But mostly for, I like to think. Fucking’s like that and I wouldn’t trade this quality for anything else in the world. I want to believe we’re fighting against each other – my lover and I – but we’re playing on the same field, you know? We’re both playing in the game. We know the rules. We know the limitations. Maybe we should break one?

Even in sex, the colliding of bodies like cars or atoms – doesn’t it warrant more than just the simple pleasures we’ve learned to understand and to depend on? Doesn’t it make sense to grieve a little, feel a little more than happiness or ecstasy? For me, sex can be a little physically painful, because as a woman pain is my domain. We’re trained for pain. Our bodies are literally trained for it. Men will never know the pleasure (and pain) of birthing another human being into this world. They will never know the physical damage that can occur, never know the feeling of being forcefully opened from the inside out.

Don’t you see? Don’t you see that we were made to be strong? We were created for the hardships of this world, because it is our responsibility to create new generations. To move forward. Many men, despite what they may want you to believe, are here as partners, not as leaders. They may rule our proverbial offices, homes, and institutions. Their pronoun advantageous in our bibles and books, their image as strong, their egos as significant or truer than… Biologically, they are equal to or lower than. They can raise a hand or fuck us til we bleed, but they ultimately need us. And this is why they love and hate us so much.



    • Johnny H
    • April 24th, 2010

    My ex wife never had an orgasm during the conception. So really , what chance did you have of having one at the birth , especially after the 32 stitches she had to have when she split from fanny to arse !! Me asking the doctor to sew it up round a lifesaver mint went down like a knackered lift as well !!

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